Depression Hits

It seems as this is the only place I can really put my feelings over. I know there are many people worse off than me and I really wish I didn't feel this way and that the thoughts would disappear.

What's wrong you say? A build up of minors which my head is taking as major.

After having my op on my neck which I am now 150% better than I was 4 months ago but not back to how I was before, I have minor pins and needles down my left arm, cannot sleep on my left side (an added thing here) and everytime I move my neck it sounds like a bag of sand in it but, as I say, it is 150% better than it was.

Going back to the left side. Over the years I have had problems with my water works - blood in urine, left side pain and 2 years ago cysts were found on my kidney and ovary. I now need to book a scan to check my left side out as I am constantly waking up early hours of the morning for a pee and the pain is horrendous.

I miss my daughter terribly and wish she was here.

My work is so stressful at the moment that I don't know whether I am coming or going or if the company really wants me there at all and is making it hell to get me out.

And what has happened to my marriage and my husband. I feel that he doesn't even like me any more. Our sex life is non existent due the pain I am in and I can't remember the last time he cuddled me. He was the perfect man when we first met but then I was going through breast cancer and I suppose he doted on me.

We are both earning good money and where is it? The house needs work doing to it and my husband either cannot or doesnot want to do it. I seem to be the only one that saves.

Trying to go through the ups and downs of menopause without drugs is driving me crazy.

I have seen a naturopath who has given me a few herbs to get all my bodily functions back to normal so we just have to wait and see on this.

Even my jewelry creations just lately are not impressing me.

What am I doing on Valentines Day? Sitting here crying my eyes out and wanting to throw myself of the nearest mountain. I won't as I am hoping one day that things will get better, that I will be a Grandma and I know it will devastate the kids.